Dum-dum Science # 2

The BBC reports today that women's shopping sprees may be linked to their menstrual phase: "...In the 10 days before their periods began women were more likely to go on a spending spree..."

Hmmm.

...Well, that's one way to look at it.

Another, of course, is that some would look at their spending activities as a post-ovulation flutter, feathering the nest for the arrival of their little ones.

While another would be to provide the means for some by which the inevitable PMS argument can occur and the woman of feeling can vent her fury at her hapless man.

N.B.: Three of the four women I have been involved with were not like that at all but one was!

My exasperation, though, is not with women, who I consider a separate species, altogether and therefore not to be judged by me (or anyone else). No, my frustration is with Science bothering to make a study of their shopping excesses in the first place! There has to be a better utilization for researchers, surely.

Aaaaah!

Andrew Goulding

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Yee-haa! Gun Lobby Capers # 7

CNN reports that another American loony went on the rampage in North Carolina, USA, killing 8, including 7 senior citizens, in a nursing home.

[N.B.: The Sydney Morning Herald reported on the killer's possible motive the next day.]

Ho-hum, pass the cornflakes, please.

And while we're at it, Yahoo reports that a different American loony has gone beserk, on a family-killing spree, this time. He stabbed his 17 year old sister in the chest, then beheaded his five year old sister but was killed before he could reach his nine year old sister.

Shucks.

How do Americans live with this? I'm going mad just collecting these episodes.

Andrew Goulding

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The West Michigan Whitecaps Are Wimps

No wonder I'd never heard of the West Michigan Whitecaps baseball team until this report from the Sydney Morning Herald.

It seems that this season, the Whitecaps are serving their fans the Fifth Third Burger, with 1 lb of bun, 1 & 1/2 lbs of beef plus chilli, salsa, sour cream and more, costing $20 and clocking in at 4,800 calories. It "contains nearly 300 grams of fat, 744 milligrams of cholesterol and more than 10,000 milligrams of sodium."

As my teenage sons would say:

"Gay!"

No, the Whitecaps need to visit The Heart Attack Grill and try their 8,000 calorie Quadruple Bypass Burger which is really "worth dying for" and only costs $12.95. Now, that's satisfaction!

As in all the decent things in Life, beware of imitators!

Andrew Goulding

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Two Views Of Falling In Love & A Big Dick

L'amour.

"....Thank Heaven for little girls..."

Ahhh! Gimma a break!

Today's post is a grab-bag of quickies:

The first is literally, falling in love. The Sydney Morning Herald reports of a young man in Quanzhou, China, who tried to save the suicide leap of his lover from the seventh floor of an apartment block. Whoops! She killed him with the impact.

N.B. those Chinese are still reasonably slim. Any average-sized Aussie sheila doing the same thing would probably be able to pick up enough momentum to pummel her luckless ocker, lover-boy half-way to the earth's core!


The second piece for falling in love is a comedy/satire? by a favorite of mine, Lisa Nova. In this video, she's Affirmation Girl, who has read enough self-help books to talk herself into Happiness by positive thinking and affirmations.

Lisa Nova: Affirmation Girl

N.B.: one of my hobbies is to read the comments on Youtube videos. They often reveal the true nature of a significant part of America, a land that I love but feel free to criticize. One particularly obnoxious comment on this video was:

"...This video is so stupid that I went outside, lit my father's car on fire, took a shit into my hand, licked it like a hot fudge lollipop, and then threw up into my mommy's bra..." youtube member normalpsychology

Hmmm.


The third piece for today is my favorite, the Berkshire U.K. teenager, Rory McInnes, who painted a 60 foot penis on his parents' new flat roof, their house would stand out on Google Earth.

Apparently, it was discovered by a helicopter joyride, whose pilot hovered for tourists to photograph the artwork and soon after, the pictures hit the internet.

His parents have said that he will have to clean it off when he returns from his overseas travels.

Andrew Goulding

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I Just Turned My Back For A Minute # 3

Little reported by the conventional media, I couldn't help but notice China's call for a new global currency. Of course, it's unlikely to come about but China is most certainly throwing its weight around and I believe that we are witnessing the start of the real New World Order.

As I've mentioned before, my guess is that the Chinese (or the IMF fronting the loan) will bail out Central Europe (The Telegraph reports that the Czech government fell yesterday, the third such government this month) where they can leverage their investments much better. If the Chinese don't, we are all in for a rocky ride.

Andrew Goulding

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Yee-haa! Gun Lobby Capers # 6

I wasn't going to publish this post from a story on CNN, about a crim being pulled over by traffic cops, who then proceeded to kill 3 of them (possibly a fourth) before later being killed in a gun battle with police.

After all, it's hardly the domestic violence that I like to highlight. However, traffic cops? Are they really fair game? Would it happen anywhere else? I don't think so.

In God we trust.

Andrew Goulding

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My World Has Come To A Grinding Halt!

Oh, I's so upset. I'm pulling my hair out. The Sydney Morning Herald reports that the State of New Jersey is banning brazilians. No, not Brazilians, as in the soccer maestros, brazilians as in the nude pube look.

I'm devastated! Yes, my world has come to a grinding halt. Now I'll never be perfect and New Jersey State Legislature will have to think about debating less intimate matters.

Thank goodness they didn't touch my anal bleaching. I'd hate to think of them getting their dirty fingers all over that!

Andrew Goulding

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Now That's Getting Personal!

While it would be obvious to even a casual reader of this blog that I have a problem with Obesity, I was, nevertheless, a little disturbed about an article that I saw in this morning's Telegraph (a middle class, politically conservative, English tabloid):

Family who are 'too fat to work' say £22,000 worth of benefits is not enough

The 83-stone family of four defiantly eyeballs you in the accompanying (worth-catching) picture, daring you to disagree with their hunger-driven assessment of their porky plight.

Now, while my inner fascist screams abuse at these calorific monsters, my inner guru sees these piggy-people as symptoms of much bigger problems. Obviously, one would be Obesity but there are others (and here I'll veer into unchartered-waters-for-me), such as, the long-term unemployed.

The other day, I felt incredibly out-of-date when I discovered that my teenage son receives his maths homework via email from his teacher. Hmmm, that got me thinking:

With technology changing rapidly, how long will it be before the long-term unemployed will be required to perform repetitive clerical tasks (received via email) as work-for-the-dole? Their "work" might even be considered an apprenticeship for entry into various government departments or firms that perform outsourced government work.

Further, in their porkiness, they might even prefer not having to commute and mix with others in an office space (- the extra savings to government departments for chairs not crushed by the potential pen-pushing-porky-clerks is a statistic I shan't consider at this stage). Thus a new class may soon emerge, the obese stay-at-home, part-time clerks.

The government could set up a direct deposit deal with Sainsbury's (& possibly other national grocery chains) to home-deliver them their groceries (with bulk purchase discounts offset by delivery costs) and no-one would then ever need to see these pork-people in public. It's a win-win-eat situation!

You think I jest. Look at The Telegraph's picture and re-assess.

Hmmm.

Andrew Goulding

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Ali G, Borat And Now: Bruno - The Movie

The Telegraph reports today that Sacha Baron Cohen wowed the Southwest By Southwst Film Festival with selected scenes from his new movie Bruno.

The report contains a 2.30 snippet with some American beef-heads goofing around on a beach in Florida while being interviewed by gay, Austrian fashion correspondent, Bruno, "who wants to be the most famous Austrian since Adolf Hitler".

The video is not hilarious by any means but is a nice teaser for Bruno: The Movie, which should soon be a lot of fun when it's (probably) released in the summer.

Andrew Goulding

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The Economic Meltdown & Pythonic Extras

While perusing The Sun, I spotted the tragic tale of Roger Titman, supposedly insulted over his name by a Vodafone salesman. That led me, of course, to a Monty Python / Eric Idle sketch, parodying his own Life experiences in the travel agent sketch:


Idle: Hello, my name is Smoke-too-much, Mr. Smoke-too-much

Travel Agent: Well, you'd better cut down a bit, then.

Idle: What?


However, this isn't a post to glorify that sketch. Instead, it's to remember Idle's wonderful Money song which has a little more than just something to say about the present economic melt-down.

Monty Python: Money


Andrew Goulding

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Yee-haa! Gun Lobby Capers # 5

The Sydney Morning Herald reports today that another American nutter went loopy, shot his wife (& three others) then set his house and truck on fire and finally killed himself.

Tragic, though that is, it pales with yesterday's report, from The Telegraph, detailing how Yankees are presently embarking on a manic gun-buying spree, fearful that the Obama administration may reintroduce Clinton-era laws on semi-automatic rifles (read: mini-machine guns, I believe).

I stand on a mountain, beating my buddhist drum and chanting to the Heavens:

"Cause and Effect."

Andrew Goulding

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Dum-dum Science # 1

Perusing today's Sydney Morning Herald, I caught a report about "Prostate Cancer Linked To Alcohol" with a study by Associate Professor Tanya Chikritzhs of the Australian National Drug Research Institute stating that: "...men who drink two or more alcoholic drinks a day are 20 per cent more likely to get prostate cancer..."

As a very occasional drinker, (probably less than 1 per month) the study doesn't particularly worry me but here are its findings:

• ...at one drink a day the risk was not significant...
• ...at two standard drinks, middle-aged men had about a 20 per cent greater chance of developing prostate cancer...
• ...for four drinks a day, the chance was 25 per cent higher and
• ...for six standard drinks a day, the risk was about 35 per cent higher..."

Hmmm. All that science to monitor some very basic statistics? Isn't it obvious that there is an emotional type needing the alcohol and that to take the crutch of alcohol away, the result might be an increase in:

• stress
• heart attacks
• strokes
• obesity
  
• marital break-ups etc. etc.?

When the health authorities tampered with nicotine addiction (I have perhaps 1 or 2 cigarettes a year, never having been a "smoker" and am no fan of Tobacco companies) through ongoing well-meaning propaganda, the results (in my eyes) helped Australian society quickly become the fattest in the world as nicotine addiction quickly translated to food addiction (and possibly alcohol addiction).

Further, my completely unsubstantiated guess is that it also may have fueled an increase in low-impact gambling addiction (poker machines etc.), which has spiralled into an epidemic from around the same time that smoking became banned in pubs and recreation clubs.

Yes, one addictive behavior was simply replaced by another (perhaps several) and while, yes, there were/are other factors - the connection to me is obvious. As my countrymen are prone to say in their brutal but graphic Strine:

"It sticks out like dogs' balls."

So, with this new, scientific "data", we shall probably soon see a well-meaning , tax-payer-funded, Department of Health-driven attack on Australian drinking. The results should be f***ing catastrophic.

Goodonya.

Andrew Goulding

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I Just Turned My Back For A Minute # 2

Hmmm.

The other day I posted about China's emergence I Just Turned My Back, well, not a week later, I caught BBC News quoting Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao, saying that he expects a global recovery in 2010 and that:

"...confidence would be necessary to overcome China - and the world's - economic difficulties. 'Confidence is more important than gold or money,' he said."

N.B.: What might have seemed laughable if uttered by the grotesque Anthony Robbins, seems just understated and Confucious-like when coming from the head of what will soon be the most powerful nation on Earth.

Meanwhile CNN's lead story is that "Beijing has high expectations for U.S. President Barack Obama's economic recovery strategy, but worries remain about the safety of China's assets in the United States."

Can you imagine that being uttered before 2008?

More importantly, can you imagine it being "front page" on two globally respected News sources?

Expect more of the same, world.


N.B.: China has been laying the groundwork for this global expansion for many years. I posted on it almost 2 years ago at Future Shock: Yellow Peril.

Andrew Goulding

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England's Gay Ducks, Ducky!

Whew! Thank goodness the latest mass killing was in Germany, as The Sydney Morning Herald reports! We can't blame that one on the American Gun Lobby, just on the sensationalist global press.

No, instead, I shall mention far less important news, the sad plight of the UK's blue ducks. The Telegraph reports that

"...Attempts to breed a rare species of duck to avoid extinction in the UK have backfired after the only two remaining males fell for each other..."

Yes, Old Blighty has poofter ducks! Actually the report has a wonderful punchline, so it's worth catching.

You might be wondering why I'm not commenting on things more important given that Sydney hosted the Gay Mardi Gras last weekend, the biggest gay party in the world (every year) but fair suck of the sarsparilla, gay ducks? Give me a break.

"Quack."

Andrew Goulding

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Yee-haa! Gun Lobby Capers # 4

It's almost getting humdrum, isn't it? Yahoo News reports that another American loony, this time from Alabama, has gone beserk, killing 9 before killing himself.

"..He started in his mother's house...then he went...and...killed his granny and grandaddy and aunt and uncle."

Expect regular updates on this type of story, because this economic mess is going to claim its victims, oh yes, indeed-y and some day they will regulate fire-arms.

Andrew Goulding

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Language Gripes: Bad, Worse & Worsest

I've got a few Language gripes and I'm gonna dish!

I'm having severe language problems with a few phrases at the moment and unless the world shows me a bit of respect, I shall unleash The Language Police, who, upon hearing phrases that I don't like, have been trained to rudely butt into conversations and skewer offending tongues with pointed bamboo skewers.

Beware! Your sloppy words are an aural pollution to me and I'm about to fight back!

Bad:

Phenom - the abbreviated form of phenomenon, pronounced Fee-nom. Originally from the Greek phainomenon, from phainesthai to appear] the sharp, 2-syllable Phenom takes all the "mystery" out of the word, making it, not so much appear, as hit you in the face.

It is therefore, less powerful - and it drives me batty!

Worse:

"Long story short". I've noticed that some folks, especially in talk show interviews, are using this abbreviated form. Why can't they spend that extra second and say "To cut a long story short"? It has music in it, the length conveying a truncated story with the phrase that follows, delivered as a pithy punch-line e.g.:

To cut a long story short, I stabbed him in the tongue!

"Long story short" is staccatto, working against the meaning of the phrase and short circuiting the punch-line - which now tends to not even be a punch-line but has become a longer sentence, justifying the drama of the staccatto intro e.g.:

"Long story short, I ended up having to stab the language-murdering f***er in the tongue!"

In other words, it has made the phrase both inefficient and illogical. It should now be "short story longer"!

Worsest:

"The proof is in the pudding". No, the proof isn't in the pudding. "The proof of the pudding (i.e. whether it tastes yummy or not) is, (in fact,) in the eating."

I presume that this misunderstanding has been brought about by the the almost-forgotten tradition of the sixpence being in the Christmas pudding but with mass-culture journalists now using "The proof is in the pudding" this mis-phrase is becoming accepted, globally.

A-a-a-a-a-a-a-h!

I am sharpening my skewers. I'm angry. I should take up a hobby.

Andrew Goulding

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Yee-haa! Gun Lobby Capers # 4

As John Lennon sang back in 1968, Happiness Is A Warm Gun. Not even 24 hours have passed since Gun Lobby Capers 3 but those fun-lovin' yankees have been at it again, this time at church!

So sayeth England's Telegraph (read all about it!)

For those interested, Mr Somnambulist and I discussed these posts a little further in "Comments" on Gun Lobby Capers 3.

Andrew Goulding

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Yee-haa! Gun Lobby Capers # 3

Well, those crazy fun-lovin' yanks are at it again. This time, Yahoo News reports, our Gun Lobby hero, one Davon Crawford, wiped out his sister-in-law, his wife (of just a few days) and her three young children. He left his own child by her, alive.

Glory be. It's a man's right to bear arms.

How do I know?

Jesus told me.

Andrew Goulding

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Doesn't Everybody Know About Anal Bleaching?

Oh my goodness!

It's come to my attention that not everyone knows about Anal Bleaching.

For the love of Queen Victoria's big white bum, read about it now. You will never be the same!

I, of course, don't need the procedure - my prissy, pink bum-hole is winking at you as I write.

Can you resist it?

I think not.

Andrew Goulding

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I Just Turned My Back For A Minute

As I've mentioned before on this blog, I expect that the Economic downturn (I love the euphemism - let's face it, "downturn" should read as "the inevitable consequences of global, debt-fueled gambling purporting to be investment") to be the making of China as the new global power.

Yes, the pragmatic Chinese will bail out much of Asia (low cost, high returns - [Tibet who?]) and where there are advances to be made, the West - probably in much of Central Europe, which has now been left high & dry by their former friends, Western Europe & Russia.

However, one little piece of news snuck in that I wasn't really expecting. The Daily Telegraph reported today that China will increase military spending by 15% this year. Just thought you'd like to know.

The report provides some gobbledegook about "why" but I don't buy it. If you don't see "perceived threat" as a means of diplomatic thuggery to come, especially at a time like now, then we must be living on different planets.

Andrew Goulding

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Todd Rundgren: Lecture On The Evolution Of Popular Music

As something of a Todd Rundgren fan from the 1970s & 1980s, it was with some glee that I found this lecture from some time in late?-2008.

Todd's always an interesting thinker and this 25 minute video ( I know it's long but it's worth it!) is both witty and informative, taking the viewer from the beginnings of popular music to the present day.

In a way, Todd shoots himself in the foot by revealing his conclusion pretty early on, that music is now a service and not a product - thereby making his conclusion a reiteration rather than, well, a conclusion.

However, the lecture is still interesting and a must-see for all later Todd Rundgren fans, particularly his scathing reports of interactions with dunder-headed record companies.

N,B.: During the first half, he references his much-maligned album No World Order several times, which, if you remember the era, makes it truly ground-breaking, at least on a technical level.

Todd Rundgren: Lecture On The Evolution Of Popular Music

N.B.: Some highlights include Todd's very-different thoughts about:

• 3.00 the Walkman
• 16.50 Todd talks about his first with the internet in the mid-1990s
• 18.00 Napster &
  
• 21.00 Ipods

Even if you don't know much about Todd, do try to check this out. It's a piece of Pop Music History.

Andrew Goulding

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