Bizarre Love Triangle

Some of you may remember New Order's late 1980s hit, Bizarre Love Triangle. Great to sing, drive or dance to, with obscure lyrics intoned over a heavily treated calypso dance beat. Irrepressible.

New Order: Bizarre Love Triangle

Then again, if you're not into Britpop nostalgia, you may care to check it out just because of my sleazy New Order gossip!

"Dish, dish, dish..."

I'm a-hearin' you callin'...and sisters, I'm-a-tellin', you best be-lieve it.

You see, back then I had a lady friend from Sydney, who would occasionally "accompany" visiting pop stars to show them round their hotel-rooms and provide some home-grown talent for their after-show relaxation.

Anyway, she'd met New Order as a young girlie in the early 1980s...and when they returned a few years later, she was a rather attractive young woman.

New Order bass player Peter Hook took something of a shine to this grown up with all the bumps in the right places version of the young girlie he briefly met a few years before and succeeded in delicately advancing their friendship by sweet-talking her to the boudoir.

Unfortunately, despite his seasoned yodelling down under...he just didn't seem to zing her ding...as Madame X, my paramour, would say and despite his most generous attentions, "nothing mutual" happened.

Apparently, the next night, my girlie friend brought along her sister...and at the after-gig soiree, Captain Hook gallantly placed one on each arm and would alternate by playing tonsil hockey with one...and then the other. After the previous evening's "fizzle" my friend declined joining them for a bizarre love triangle but she left her sister and Hooky...to have some...nookie!

Of course, now my friend grumbles that her sister muscled in on her turf...but I take no sides, never, under any circumstances, even those most favorable, pretending to ever understand women!

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Andrew Goulding

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